#249

The other night, I pulled out a somewhat aged folder that I keep in my closet. A cheap purple number, basically, that says "College Letters" on the front. Anyway, like the title of it said, it used to hold actual college letters in it; that is, all the various paperwork I received from various colleges across the globe after I took my SATs and such. The thing was actually pretty full, but as I tried to explain to my father, I don't believe it was the college actually expressing any interest in my SAT score or GPA or anything; that it was simply mail I received because of some thing I signed up for that got my name out there.

I could have been wrong about all that. It doesn't really matter now though.

The folder has instead been taken over by all the letters I've received from various people over the past several years. The earliest letters are from Gina, and they are simple letters about a simpler time when she lived in Ellicott City and I lived near her uncle, and we only saw her once in a great while. They move on to letters I received from Marin, some of which began immediately after I graduated high school but couldn't drive, so I could never really come to visit her or any of my other friends in band, moving on to her time in Basic Training, and into her college time. There's one mixed in there from Heath when he was at Basic Training just to say hello. The last couple were from Corinne, my online friend from California who's now basically globetrotting with her military work.

It was somewhat surreal to actually sit down and reread them, as I did the other night. Now, noting that just about everyone letter is from a female, one would think I was doing this because I was feeling sentimental about old girlfriends or something, but it's important to note than none of them were actually ever girlfriends; just friends that I cared a great deal about. The fact of the matter is, though, that I did have a sort of crush on most of the girls involved, so it was a vivid reminder of a time where I gave my all to them only to receive merely friendship in return.

At that time, I grew a bit spiteful about it all, I imagine, but nowadays I treasure the rare moments I have to communicate or speak with them - particularly Gina and Marin. I'm lucky that Nicky came along when she did, really, as I had just about given up on the subject of dating all together a few months before.

I'm lucky in general, despite all my problems.

Anyway, I don't get to see much of Nicky for the next few weeks - that Boscov's is opening next week and it will be taking up a great deal of her free time. I'm not at all thrilled with the idea of not having much time with her, but I suppose I should be somewhat happy that I'll have an opportunity to bank a bit of money in the meantime. Still, I'd rather just be getting by and have her around than have the converse, you know?

It's already a bit stressful, but that's probably because I'm used to seeing her so much that the sudden shift to only getting to spend real time with her once or twice a week seems like a big deal to me. I should probably just relax.

Will's coming up to play some games and hang today, so I should probably take off for now.

~Don

#248 - The Key of Twilight

I urge you, anime fan or not, to listen to the soundtracks from either .hack//SIGN or Noir, both more or less done completely by Kajiura Yuki. There's some really great music in both of those series, and likely any other ones that she's touched that I'm not aware of as of yet. You may miss out a bit on the feeling that I get from most of these pieces if you've not seen them used in "action;" that is, if you've not watched scenes from either show. But there's just something about her work that I cannot quite put my finger on that tugs ever-so-softly on all my emotions when I hear them.

I love that - whenever you have a song, or songs, that reach you in a way that you cannot particularly explain in words. It's this reaction that makes one an individual, really -- I am certain the feeling is shared amongst all people, but there are at least subtle differences in the reaction of their hearts.

Anyway, life has been relatively simple for the past week or so. I'm not particularly stressed out by too much -- I dare say the debacle with the Maryland Vehicle Administration is over. In my experience though, every time I thought for certain that the matter was taken care of, it came back to haunt me soon after. I think this time is different, however. The State Farm agent dealt with the folks directly, instead of simply just sending paperwork (which should have been enough anyway).

I've yet to get to the doctor or find a job. Honestly, the job and the taxes are the next thing on my list. The taxes should be the easy part; I simply need to drop the stuff off or spend a little while inside Jackson Hewitt or whatever it's called in the mall. That's not a huge hassle seeing as I spend a fair amount of time there anyway. The job is somewhat more difficult, but I'm leaning towards the idea of going down the street here to the grocery store. I'm not terribly into the idea of doing grocery work again, but if I can get at least decent pay and a schedule I can live with, it'll do until something better comes along.

I'm very lucky to still have Nicky. I'm not saying this because things have been going horribly or something; I'm just glad that things are still going strong. No matter what happens in this saga - even if it ends in heartbreak, I think I can safely say at this point that she's the best thing to happen to me as of yet. I'm learning quite a bit about her, about people, and about myself just being with her - and it may be the first time in a long time that I've been able to pretty much just say whatever I feel, or act however I feel, without horrible fear of repercussion.

Sure, she's a dork. And a bit loudmouthed, and a bit goofy. Among other things.

All that means is that she's my type, I guess!

Anyway, that's good for now.

~Don

#247 - Recovery

I believe it's finally starting to happen - my eyes aren't giving me very much trouble, and for the most part my ability to breathe has returned. I think this horrible sickness is lifting, at least to the point where I can assume typical daily activities, though I think it will be some time before I'll be well enough to really do anything outstanding. This is a shame because I was hoping to get a little crew to go out to Frederick at some point this week to play DDR, but I may find myself waiting a few more days.

I'm not quite one hundred percent yet.

Today was filled with...pretty much nothing, as I expected. I didn't even call Nicky, and I probably should have. But then, our phone conversations are usually dull at best, if we're talking at all -- the phone doesn't seem to be a good place for us to communicate, you know? Of course, that could be a sign of something - maybe we don't communicate particularly well at all, but we simply don't notice? I don't know.

I think things are pretty much fine between us. Bless the lady, she came up on four separate days this past week, knowing fully well that I was sick, and basically just stayed with me for several hours until she had to leave. We never really seem to do all that much while she's here, but the difference between being bored by myself and being bored with her is astronomical, or so my heart and brain seem to believe, anyway.

Strangely, I'm looking forward to returning to work.

But only because that means I'll start having social interaction with workmates and friends again, not because I like, nor care about my job.

~Don

#246

Day three of being sick, and I'm somewhat tired of sitting in the house. I guess I cannot complain too much; I've been able to play games and spend time with Nicky, who has graciously appeared several times this week to take care of me - but I'm losing out on money, and the boredom is starting to take it's toll. When I woke up this morning, I was actually going to try and go to work, but I honestly didn't feel much better than I did yesterday. Then I took my temperature.

The thermometer read ninety-four-point-five degrees.

I didn't really know if this was a horrible thing, but at the same time, I figure a temperature differential of more than two degrees is something you'd be concerned about if we were going towards the right on the number line, so to a certain extent, the same logic probably applies when going to the left? I don't know.

Nothing much else to write about, and I'm having trouble typing, anyway.

~Don

#245

I really don't know what to write about today. My computer's having some sort of goofy internet bubble that's causing everything to lag slightly, and it's growing rather irritating.

Sunday night, I came down with some horrible flu-like systems that more or less arrived out of nowhere; the kind where basically my whole world was spinning around and I couldn't walk straight, every part of my body was hurting, and I was congested to the point of near insanity. I literally crawled onto the futon with Nicky and laid there in a sort of twitching mess, but figured I'd be better in the morning.

I really wasn't, but went to work anyway and nearly stormed out of there due to a long story I won't bother typing out. The DayQuil that I bought there eventually wore off and I started to feel woozy again, to the point where I nearly sent myself into a nice accident because I could barely pay attention on the road near my house. Once again, I crawled into bed with Nicky (who had followed me home because she had nothing better to do) and I laid until she left, not really sleeping until she was gone.

It was freezing when I fell asleep, but I woke up a short time later in what could almost be described as a puddle of my own sweat. I finally fell asleep again, but was awakened around 5 AM by Sleet, who apparently hid in my room and got locked in after Nicky put me to bed (total sweetheart last night), and the kitty was crying because she either needed to use the litter box or wanted out. After a half hour of trying to fetch her, I was finally able to get her out.

I skipped work today because I honestly do not feel much better. I may skip it tomorrow as well.

I also really think I need to see a urologist about that pain in my groin. It hasn't gotten much better at all, and I'm positive there's a mass down there that shouldn't be there. Problem is, once again, I have no insurance and I'm quite afraid of doctors and calling around to make appointments, so I might have to beg mom to dig me out, so to speak.

I have a feeling I know what it is too. Won't that just beat all.

~Don