#252

I don't really know why I'm writing here again. I don't really know why I haven't bothered to simply start another free blog somewhere else so I could point out all the little bullshit that goes on in my life and put it in a place where some people have access and others don't. I don't really know why I continue to even write online, honestly, when I could just as easily commit all of this to a notebook or to Word or something.

I honestly don't know.

It's been another dull month full of the same things at work, basically. I guess I could sit here and complain about not having found another job yet, but there's nothing to find near here at the moment, and it's not as if I've really invested that much time into looking. While I've been high on life, so to speak, I've been low on future -- sure, it's fantastic that I spend so much time with as many different friends as I can, and I love the fact that I get a fairly large amount of time with my girlfriend, but I haven't done anything else. I suppose that I'm so caught up in the possibility of my own death as of late that I really just don't give a damn about the future anymore; that what's really important is that right here, and right now...that I try to enjoy my life for a change.

Try to keep riding that happy wave, you know?

At the same time, I'm haunted with the idea that I may indeed live longer than I've been believing lately, and with Nicky I'm starting to feel as if it's already time to really prepare for some kind of future. Nothing perfect; I'm certainly not expecting to be rich (nor would I want to be), but I'd like to be comfortable with a job I could at least tolerate going to every day. Just enough that we could get by.

It's strange that I'm thinking "we" all the time, maybe. I'm probably getting way ahead of myself here, and I'm sure some people would love to see me fall from what I've been enjoying lately; in fact, I know one of you out there can't stand it deep down, and I expect you'll be the first one to laugh if something goes wrong. In any case, though...no matter what happens, I've been very fortunate to have experienced the last six months with Nicky. I really have. The only difficult part has been accommodating everyone else in my life, but I think I've done a manageable job, all things considered. At least I've tried, anyway.

I honestly expected to lose more than I have when I started dating; I've watched so much fall apart in my lifetime. But the only things that I've lost (that I'm aware of, anyway) are things that I was pulling away from before I even met Nicky. So I suppose, in the long run, that I've lost damned near nothing besides some of my free time.

Anyway, I don't know what the hell kind of point I had to all that -- most of it just sort of jumped out while I was staring at the ceiling. I guess there are certain advantages to being able to type without staring at the screen or the keyboard.

So...it looks like I'm going to Otakon after all. That's good news. Vacation's pretty much off, which is the bad news, but...I suppose this wasn't the right year to do it anyway. I'm not expecting this Otakon to be the best anime con ever, but it certainly can beat the bloody hell out of our Katsucon experience. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time there -- the crew that came with me was great. I loved being with Nicky, of course...and spending time wandering around listening to Drunken Will and his wacky antics was a blast...and as usual, chilling in the room with Joe and Vince was awesome.

I'm stopping here though. The previously mentioned people know why, and that's all that matters, for now.

Hell though...we got to see an awesome Jrock show, had a good time at the dance, watched some anime, talked to some people...no different then any other con. I kind of wish we had stayed for snow con, though.

Wow. That's what happens when you don't use Blogger for awhile -- words just fly out of your fingers with no real point, I guess.

Anyway, I'm done for now. This entry sucked enough for today.

~Don