#263 - Domestication

I haven't felt like I've had much time to myself this week. I was starting to get into the rhythm of going out alongside checking papers in my job hunt, but then everyone went on vacation and I got stuck taking care of the zoo. We really do have a ton of animals in this house. Maybe not a ton, but enough that I don't really feel like I've had much time to relax.

It's kind of nice in some ways, and in others, kind of not. For one, it's made the week pass by fairly quickly, and I haven't had as much time of sitting still, uninterrupted, to do whatever. The result is that my back seems to be acting a bit better this week. But only a little. Beyond that, the week doesn't feel so boring and dragged out as some of my other days before had been, since I don't always get that much time between whatever I'm having to do to keep the house from falling and the animals from dying to really sit and stare at things too much.

On the negative side, due to the amount of time I'm having to spend here, I can't really do much on the job search besides check the paper. Things are starting to get to the desperation point with the money, though if I skipped buying gifts for Christmas I imagine I could survive until January (but I don't want to).

Anyway, it's been tough. Unlike the past two times I've found a job, this time around I don't seem to have a single lead or someone who knows a place who's hiring, and even if I did I'm not sure I'd want it. But I've decided (I think) that for now holding out to find something that isn't retail is not a viable option, so the door is a bit more open now. I'll just have to take whatever doesn't have me up ass early or working late at night.

It's starting to sap at me though -- I'm not used to feeling stressed out because of money; even working part-time at Record Town, I was good enough at my savings and financial work to stay afloat and always have a good time. But as I've mentioned before, having a girlfriend makes me want to do a bit more with my life, and although I haven't decided what it is I want to do, I like the fact that I'm actually starting to think about it.

I'm doing a lot of things better, and I don't feel like my future is so bleak anymore. Instead of sitting around in someone's shadow, I'm trying to cast my own, and it's not so bad.

It's not easy either, but it's not so bad.

In other news, nothing much exciting is going on. The DDR party was Sunday and it turned out well - I have to admit, it turned out better than I had expected. It was certainly more fun then the last party I went to (New Year's at Dave's), which was a bust save for the few people that didn't lock themselves up in a room - thankfully Graham, Joe, Ethan, Scott, and even Ron saved that night from being a total bust.

But then, friends make everything better. Real friends anyway, and not just those who are full of half-truths.

Today there were these two teenagers heckling people at Sheetz. I heckled them instead. It was nice to do that after watching them bother an old man and a few other people. The kid finally came up to me and asked me if I had any torque wrenches. I had leveled my eyes on these two the whole time, sort of daring them to approach me, and my expression didn't change as my eyes just drove straight through the kid and I uttered matter-of-factly: "Fuck off."

The look of sudden fear for pissing me off was worth the price of admission alone. He was actually frightened to the point where he slowly backed away from me about five feet before running into the counter, and I stared at him the entire time. Then out of nowhere he said "Hey man...sorry...it was just a joke..." and I thought for sure he had lost control of his bowels when he looked to his friend for help.

A minute later they had turned away, but kept looking over their shoulders at me, and Nicky had said "Be nice." I laughed. Perhaps it would be better to say that I bellowed, maybe, and then said "I was nice. I didn't jump him on the spot," and I saw that look of fear on him again.

I don't normally do such things, but for some reason these two little twits irritated me to the point that I felt necessary to play their game...or at least scare them. And that look of fear? I'll never forget that. I grow weary of teenagers and their trash talk, so I guess maybe it felt good to make one of them think twice about it.

I wouldn't have done anything, but I looked like I would, and that helped. Good times.

~Don